A clearing in the woods

Blank page. Blank mind. Finally. Who would have thought this was life was like? A series of challenges, solutions, and more challenges. People come into your life and depart, leaving nothing but a whisper through the pines and a manipulated memory of something that does not exist anymore. The present and the future is anything that we can create, it can be misery or excitement. Our thoughts and emotions weave us a life would attract in the next moment. I remember as a child going for a walk in the woods, the adventure, something new around every tree, every brush, a hidden stream, a rabbit scampering from a hawk above. I once tripped and hurt my ankle, but thats besides the point. Every time I would go for one of these hikes I would eventually come upon a clearing. I place that was free from anything except high grass and a blue sky. Although this place lacked the excitement of surprise or disappointment, it was a place to catch my breath, take a deep breath and feel the warm sun on my face. Coming from the shade of the woods into the clearing the sun would kiss my forehead like it was the first time.

The Journey Within

I find myself very close to my car these days. I spend lots of time in it traveling from place to place; school, work, home, all over the tri-state area. I spend alot of time listening to sports, music, on the phone with friends and family, but sometimes I need something else. All of these things, the car, the sounds, the people, the road, it is all just an illusion, some of it makes me feel good and some not so good. The only thing that truly exists is the moment are the thoughts that are existing in the moment. I have no control over anything else in life. I can just control my thoughts, my words, and my actions at this very moment. That sentence right there should be the only existence, the only thing that matters. In the reality of the world we live in however, this is very difficult. We work desperately not to be bogged down by the disappointments of the past or not to be paralyzed by the worries of the future. I believe that we chose the lives that we live and that one day we will all be changed into universal energy from where we came. This life is a blink of an eye in the grand scheme of things. If that is true, if this life is just a blink of an eye, a dream, then what is there to lose? Whatever desires that we have we should not be afraid, of, we should manifest them as fast as we can think them. If I look inside, if I take the journey within, I can see very clearly my desires. My desire to have a happy marriage, my desire to be wealthy, my desire to have more children, my desire to be creative, my desire to complete a tri-athalon, my desire to live life to the fullest all of the time. Its simple, as it should be.

The Journey Inside

What does the journey towards self-awareness teach us about ourselves? When I look inside to the center of my mind, body and soul what do I see?

I feel a warm glowing green light; I always have. There were points in my life when it was a dull hue. It was once a bright universe that over-whelmed the very essence of who I was, am and will be. It is the essence that has traveled with me from the very beginning of my soul. My soul has been around for centuries waiting for a moment in time such as this one when I could truly understand who I am, what I want, and my purpose for existence.

In past lives I was a great person; a warrior and a healer. I was a person who made a difference. But obviously there is still something I was missing, a challenge I either had yet to face, or I've faced and have failed, or had not seen.

Now I'm in my vortex, feeling the true vibration of my being. Its glorious. Everything that I have dreamed of is within my grasp. I just have to take that final step to reach that next level of existence.

At this moment in time the past and the future play no role in my journey. All that counts is this moment in time that feels like a twisting stream of green energy throughout every part of my physical and non-physical being. It is a universe that is ever expanding and reacting to the various worlds and objects that I come in contact with, that are within my orbit.

I have a vision of what my life is and what is going to become and I am content that I am where I want to be. Will there be challenges? Yes, of course, for after all, I chose this life. Today, it is just a matter of how I face those challenges. I choose to face them in a positive allowing act of inertial; like a river not breaking stride in the midst of rapids.

Every experience has brought me to this point of time. Every experience has taught me a valuable lesson. I do not regret. I give gratitude to every experience that I have passed through.

I have learned to recognize passion and true love. I have learned to truly listen and be a compassionate friend. I have learned to forgive past misfortunes and release my restrictions. I have learned that my voice has meaning and my soul is allowed to feel joy and sorrow. I embrace all these aspects of who I am. I embrace life now and forever.

2 stories

The other day I decided to take a walk. I walked down Steinway Street in Astoria, Queens. The day was hot and humid and the street was crowded with shoppers. My plan was to go to the Vitamin store and do some casual walking. On my way to the vitamin store a tiny Asian novelty store caught my eye. I decided to go in.

A small woman sat in a lawn chair right in the middle of the store. The store contained beautiful jewelry, novelty items, souvenirs, and wisdom.

A necklace caught my eye and I asked the lady if I could see them. She pulled out the tray and would not hand me the necklace. She told me that only I could make that decision. It had to be something that was attracted to my heart. One stood out. As I picked it up I immediately felt its energy and my body was drawn to it. I asked the woman about the necklace and she went into great detail describing it spiritual significance.

She looked into my eyes and asked what year I was born. I told her. She said "Oh, you are a dragon, and a strong one!!" With that she grabbed my hands, flipped them over, and proceeded to tell me my destiny.

In the past, my life was so dark I refused to believe in destiny. I was afraid that the rest of my life would be held in misery and walking on egg shells; never walking down my true path in life.

The woman continued to tell me that every spirit, when it enters this world, chooses their destiny. She told me that I have two stories in life and one has just ended and the next one has begun. I know this to be truth, because my soul has felt this as well.

The first story, although my own, was narrated by some one else, maybe more than one other person. I do know, however, that neither person was me, and neither person ever really knew me.

This next story has started out with my own voice. At first I did not recognize it, because I had never heard it, or if I did it was a distant echo. It's sweet and peaceful.

In this new story I have discovered self; all sides of it. I've opened up my energy and my vibrations to the universe, which was kind enough to help me attract love, true love.

My first story was hard, and rigid, with few sweet spots. It was like driving down a road that has not been repaired in years, left to neglect. When you drive down that road you would fear the potholes and unexpected dangers might destroy your car. Would the car survive?

The new story makes me think of walking down a path in the woods. Each step mindful or the last. Each breath drinking in life and vitality. Clarity and stimulation around each bend in the trail. I now appreciate the stars and the salty ocean air. As my walls crumble down and my eys open up excitement and contentment fill my heart with joy.

I didn't need that women to tell me my destiny. I already know my destiny. I've known it all along. Namaste.

Suffering

When my walls came crashing down I started on a journey; one of spirituality and freedom. I experienced strength, wisdom, calmness, clarity, and happiness. Some were pure for the first time in my life. But there was something that I kept dancing around.

As I would walk through my shadows I would always pass by this unsightly plant. The plant did not seem to grow or wither, it just was. It was the size of a medium bush, with dark leaves and thorns. It was my suffering. I walked past it daily peering at it through my peripherals. I dared not look at it directly for fear.

Recently, on my walk through the shadows I bumped into this bush. I came face to face with this suffering, acknowledging it truly for the first time. A rush of fear, sadness, anger, depression and guilt stung my body, soul, and mind. What could I do? Run away and let my wounds heal? If I did that the bush would still remain; ready to harm me in the future.

I decided to sit in front of the bush in silent contemplation--Staring at it like it was a flickering light. Accepting it, listening to it, and absorbing every detail.

In life I am afraid of little. Death and pain do not scare me in the least. For a long time, however, I was afraid of what was inside. What was once a mountain of fear and suffering in my mind, is now simply a bush that I can talk to. It is a symbol that brings me closer to my own self-awareness. It is letting me break down those walls in my mind that have stood in the shadows of my suffering.

What I'm coming to realize is that it is ok to meditate and learn from the shadows as well. By confronting and acknowledging the suffering I can detach from it to become closer to it to better understand it to relieve the suffering.

Sometimes it just takes the simple flicker of a candle to enlighten a place that was dark. It is always interesting to find that sometimes what lies in the dark is only a figment of the mind that can be learned from and changed.

Sustainability

Recently certain events have transformed my life in ways that I never would have imagined. My expectations of divorce, while married, were a total destruction of me. I felt as though I would be lost in a life that doesn't belong to me. I have found the complete opposite. I have found myself, for maybe the first time ever. I have found a strength and a balance that I always knew was there--but never came out. It is both peaceful and exciting. It might be cliche, but I see the world as one big opportunity and not as four walls closing in on me.

I have been on a journey that has taught me how to live through meditation and intellectual stimulation. Through a brief cognitive metamorphosis I have realized that a greater change in society is possible. Sustainability, or maybe even a reversal in the destruction of this planet is not only a must, but a possibility.

I try every day to apply what I've learned through meditation to everyday life--to detach my mind from the reality that surrounds me. Oddly enough I feel as though going through this process brings me closer to those things that I'm detaching from; maybe gaining a better perspective on what they really are, or what their purpose really is.

By doing this I see a world full of dichotomy and gluttony. No one is to blame. When I see these things I, strangely, don't get mad or sad. I see the opportunity for change. I hear people talk about how they are slaves to their jobs and how the only reason that they work is to pay bills. Les masses sont mécontentes.

Our way of life works us to death; literally--and this is in the glutinous Western world that has everything to begin with!! There has to be a way to live that satisfies everyone. Where everyone has satisfying lives, where the planet and other species are treated with respect and where war and violence are bedtime stories.

The more time I spend on this journey the more I realize that the path that I'm traveling on is no accident. Is it a coincidence or a glimmer of fate? Lets see what tomorrow holds.

Something like a bunch of words

I've never surfed before, tried a couple of times, maybe will try again. I do find the thought of using a fiberglass board as an instrument to capture the rush of nature. Something about focusing on balance with the distraction of ocean spray, other surfers, the speed and height of the wave intrigues me. We know that there is a goal and an end, but we're sometimes unsure of the journey. We know there will be a rush and a crash and that solid ground is on the horizon (or under our feet).

Life was stagnant for a long time. Looking back I was that hamster on the wheel; always running, but never getting anyplace. Suddenly the wheel is gone and so are the glass walls. Exploring the new environment is both exciting and scary; more exciting though.

The other day I went into Manhattan. I arrived at 42 Street and had to be at 79th Street in 45 minutes. I decided to walk. Walking meditation. Noticing that we, as humans, are walking oxymorons--All the same, but as different as snowflakes; obvious. Other surfers.